On August 21st 2016 I got baptized for the first time ever (PRAISE GOD). I knew when I stepped out and made this decision that my life would be radically different. I was leaving the past behind me and stepping into my future.
Little did I know i would soon enter into the wilderness and feel so abandoned and alone.
Recently I was catching up with a friend and I told him how in the last month after surrendering everything and getting baptized I feel like God has stripped everything away from me.
And I mean everything.
I totaled my car in an accident, and every attempt I’ve made to get a new one has fallen through.
The job I had, I felt like I needed to leave, ended up letting me go, and I haven’t found a new job.
The relationship I was concerned with, is no longer a concern, but it’s in God’s hands.
The friendships I’ve had for years I’ve had to distance myself from.
Not cheering for a season has been difficult as well.
Anything and everything in my life that I thought was consistent was stripped away from me. Every comfort zone I had placed myself in, was suddenly gone.
I knew living my life for God meant surrendering. Dying to yourself every day, but I never grasped what this really meant.
My friend explained to me that God has me in the wilderness. It’s just me and him.
When Jesus was baptized, the Holy Spirit descended on him like a dove and the Father said “this is my son, in whom I am well pleased.”
You can say at this moment Jesus made the same decision that I did. It was the start of his ministry. Immediately after the Holy Spirit took him into the wilderness.
The wilderness is a hard place to be. It feels like everything is being stripped from you, maybe like things are even falling apart and you feel alone. It is a hard season to go through. I won’t act like this walk has been easy. There have been times I wanted to quit.
I don’t understand God if you love me why you are taking everything from me?
Why can’t I have this relationship, this car, this job, and these friends?
I feel so alone, where are you?
If you love me why are you allowing me to go through this tough season?
It’s okay to ask these questions and feel these things…
My friend continued to explain to me what being in the wilderness meant. It may seem like a bad thing, but I can assure you it’s not.
God is separating me from everyone and everything so I can fall in love with him.
God wants me to know, he wants you to know, just how much he loves you.
He wants to build a strong foundation with me. A foundation consisting of me fully trusting and relying on God in every area of my life. Even when nothing is going my way I know that God has a plan. God loves me, and he is with me. If everything in the world is stripped from me and I am empty-handed, God is enough for me.
In the book of Hosea Chapter 2, Hosea takes his wife into the wilderness to get her to fall in love with him.
This is symbolic of God taking us into the wilderness.
This season has honestly been one of the hardest seasons I’ve walked through. But I know, God is for me. He knows what’s best.
Even though at times I feel alone and like he isn’t with me, he is working behind the scenes.
He has brought uplifting, godly friendships into my life.
He has provided for me, and even though things aren’t going my way right now I know that God is faithful.
I recently finished reading a book called “Univited” By Lysa TerKeurst
She is very vulnerable with situations she has walked through, and she uses them to speak into the lives of others.
Throughout the book she shares these struggles, and how God has grown her and worked in her life through her toughest seasons.
Here is an excerpt from her book I wanted to share:
“I am desperate. You are fulfillment.
I am confused, You are confidence.
I am tired. You are rejuvenation.
Though the long path is uncertain, you are so faithful to shed just enough light for me to see the very next step.
I now understand this isn’t you being mysterious. This is a great demonstration of your mercy.
Too much revelation and I’d pridefully run ahead of you.
Too little and I’d be paralyzed with fear.
So, I’m seeking slivers of light in your Truth just for today and filling the gaps of my unknown with trust.”
Speak this passage over yourself.
Every morning I wake up and pray a prayer similar to this,
“God, I am tired, but you rejuvenate me.
God I don’t understand, but you are understanding.
God I feel rejected and alone, but you are for me.
I don’t need to know it all God.
Even if I had all the answers it wouldn’t change my situation.
If I knew my future I would have no need to depend on you.
I trust you God, and I love you.”
Once you begin to speak truth over your life, the lies of the enemy seem to fade away. When you feel like turning around and you don’t understand the situation you’re going through speak these truths over your life.
Walking through the wilderness is just for a season. Maybe you haven’t been here yet. Perhaps maybe you are in a similar situation right now and nothing is going your way. Don’t despise the fact that God has you in the wilderness, but embrace it.
So many good things will come of it.
Every day is a struggle, I have to die to myself, and my desires, but I fall more and more in love with my creator every day.